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A Personal Reminder Re: Rejection

Rejection is an intensely personal experience.

What I have to keep reminding myself is that in the vast majority of cases, the person rejecting me is rejecting me because of their own

  • preferences
  • hang-ups
  • delusions
  • emotional baggage
  • schedule
  • misunderstandings
  • confusion
  • etc…

Rare is it that I’m being rejected for a genuine flaw or failing on my part that would be rejection-worthy when looking at everything objectively.

The reason this is hard for me to remember when I’ve just been rejected is that rejection always comes at me from the second-person.  ”I reject you.”  (Or more realistically, “I’m not interested in you.”)

Example: I talk. A lot. I’m always careful to keep the other person engaged, but for all the questions and attentiveness, the verbosity can still be a turn-off for others.  I believe a recent rejection was due to this quality.

My gut reaction was to think, “I was just rejected because I talk too much.”

WRONG.  We (I) have to stop thinking about it that way.  I need to remember that rejection is really about the other person.  In this example, I had to tell myself, “He rejected me because he prefers someone who is quieter or more pensive.”

I also need to remember that although rejection is about the other person more often than it’s about me, this doesn’t mean I should ignore the flaws and failings in my own life and say that people should just accept me - and them - as-is.  

It’s a delicate balance that I always struggle to maintain.

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